I’ve invested in workout guides, personal trainers, joined gyms, bought apps, started and given up on my own fitspo Instagram called, Alone in my Apartment. I’ve been vegan, dairy-free, gluten-free and Paleo. I’ve chugged copious amounts of pure cranberry juice (for weight loss not UTI’s), lemon water and celery juice, paid hundreds of dollars a month on supplements. I’ve told myself, “once I lose weight, I’ll meet someone,” “once I fit into these jeans again, I’ll make more money,” “once I like how I look, I’ll be happy.”

For the first time in my life, my body is like fourth or fifth on the list of things I’m working on or worried about. For the first time in my life, the shape of my body doesn’t shape the state of my wellbeing. For the first time in my life, I DON’T want to minimize my curves. And yet, I do want to be fit, strong, healthy and vibrant and I know my brain (and obviously body) feel better when I work out. So, why has it been so hard to find a fitness routine that sticks? I’ll tell you what I think.

(In the sake of care, I will offer a trigger warning as I’ll be discussing weight, specifically numbers in this post. Read on if that doesn’t bother you, my lovely paid subs <3 )